Week in Review

I feel like this has been a long week. I'm tired and I could easily sleep for days, but every one else in my house hold forbids it! I subbed every day this week. After having only 2.5 days of subbing in February the 10.5 I'm getting in March will come in very handy when pay day rolls around. It is worth it, but I find it hard to balance my duties at home, especially when all I want to do is go to bed as soon as I get home from school. So I signed back up with Fly Lady and so far I've managed to.... read her daily emails and delete them! HA!

We have a few small things going on around here that keep life interesting and entertaining.

On the interesting side of life Dade and Matia have each planted a pan full of Giant Imperial Stock seeds (flowers) and are anxiously awaiting any sign of growth. If our best laid plans do not go astray this summer, we might actually be around home long enough to grow some edible stuff. Just like the seeds, we will have to wait and see. In the mean time I'm reading up on gardening with high hopes.

In the entertaining realm:

• last night we heard someone sneaking around in the dark. Mike got up to investigate and found Matia smuggling goods from the fridge into her bed. What treasures did she have you might ask? A 2L bottle of Orangina, and a 2lb carton of fresh strawberries! Imagine the mess if we had not heard her! Oh la la! That girl keeps me on my toes!
• Last week after church Dade told me I was beautiful (as he often does, Isn't he great!). I told him thank you and said how nice he is to girls, he said very seriously, "yes, I'm nice to girls, but sometimes I tell them the truth." !!!!!!

On the baby front here's a little snippet from a post I responded to about feeling ugly when pregnant:

I stopped by the local library and found a cute and funny and up beat book that actually gave me a place to start to make myself feel pretty in some areas of my appearance if not all. It's called Frumpy to Foxy in 15 minutes Flat, by Elycia Rubin & Rita Mauceri. I found out I have some frump to deal with (shocking I know!), but I also have some Foxy hanging out in my little style world (oh yes I do!!!!) Things like: I have cute shoes, so there! I have one pair of boot cut maternity jeans that aren't holey and don't have the belt loops broken from constantly pulling them up; they look great with my knee high boots (which I spent a small fortune on and have vowed to wear as often as possible, tottery though I am). I have a huge cache of skin product samples that my gorgeous esthetician sister keeps sending my way, that I keep saving for a time when I really need it (crickets chirping, doe eyed blinking). I guess now's the time if ever there was a time duh!! Anyway this little, slightly out dated book (copyright 2005) has given me a lift this month, we'll see if it carries me the distance. Watch out world I'm one Foxy Mama!!!

As far as books and book reviews go, I've been reading a bit of childrens literature because I keep getting hooked on the book studies I have to go over with students when I'm subbing for Language Arts or English classes. I start reading them in class, but I NEVER get to finish the book and I'm constantly wondering what is going to happen next! I'm currently reading The BFG


by Roald Dahl who I always thought was actually Ronald, but now that I look closely to make sure I'm typing his name right I find that I don't know as much as I thought! Story of my life. Before the BFG was Star Girl by Jerry Spinelli.

I loved Star Girl as did the kids in the story, for a time. Unlike the characters in the book, it's my privilege as a reader to never stop liking Star Girl no matter how quirky she gets. It's easy for me to look down my nose at the narrator who is caught in an awkward position of most teenagers; to hang with the crowd or to stand out from the crowd. Yet it took me back to by gone days and reminded me of moments that flicked through my life where I wish I had been brave enough to hang out with my quirky, beautiful, funny, smart friend (or even be that quirky, beautify, funny, smart person) instead of sitting in the hall at lunch with the rest of the "gang" being coolly apathetic about just about everything. This story, about a girl who notices others and is so in tune with her own self that her style and habits are unconscious, challenges me as an adult to pay more attention to the details. What would it take to go the extra mile, or even just drop some loose change now and then for the sheer delight of some little kid who will pick it up in wonder like it's gold or something.
I've read Spinelli's Maniac Magee also, and it too challenges readers of all ages to rise above the norm and to be better than anyone expects. Spinelli uses his characters to present what real life is like, and how much better it could be. One awkward, shy, blend in with the crowd hero examining, befriending and falling for one odd ball, ukulele strumming, bunny hopping heroine represent the difference between who a person is, and who they choose to be.


With those deep thoughts, I'm off to spend the weekend shopping with my mom, play grounding (in doors it's still to wintery for me) with the kids, reading about fashion and gardening, teaching Sunday school and trying to FLY in spite of the CHAOS around me.

God is great, Life is good, People are crazy!

My Idea of a Fun Friday!

OK, so I didn't quite finish my goals for today, do I still love myself? Ya, but I need to give me a kick in the butt anyway.
I did go for a walk with the kids
I did make fresh bread - and I ate less than half the loaf!!!
I did make a grocery list
So I'm at 60%. The day is not done, I can still get the rest finished...but will I? yawn, there's a 60% chance.

Finally Loving Yourself today includes (for me):

1. Cleaning the toilet - I love a fresh bowl
2. rearranging furniture - not sure why I get the urge to do this quarterly, but I do.
3. Making lists - another compulsion, I think it's my way of trying to get control over my procrastination
4. Go for a walk with my kids
5. Make fresh bread - and eat some, not the whole loaf hopefully.
   

Not FLYing too high today

Ick!
I'm looking around me at the utter chaos in my house, knowing that it is up to me, and me alone to tame the wild beast that is my house. In addition to that I need to make bread (as per DH's request), clothe and feed the little ones, and some how be nice to everyone (even though I feel like Oscar the grouch today).

Here's the game plan.

• make a to do list
• lay out the kids clothes
• while kids are struggling to get dressed, mix up the bread & finish dishes
• give the kids a project to do (craft, game or movie)
• Attack the enemy (messy house) for 15 intense minutes
• Get a new activity for the kids (Outside play, play dough or different game)
  
• find something to make for lunch
• feed the hungry ones
• Do a load of laundry
  
• Around Nap time I intend to take a 30 minute break, drink coffee & stare blankly into space.
• Before nap time ends I hope to do a 2 more 15 minute attacks.
• After nap time we will be loading up the troops and heading into the city to secure a part for our beloved fridge (who has a teensy problem because of a missing part)
• As a reward for our efforts I'm hoping we will get to eat at our favorite Vietnamese restaurant.

Sounds like a plan.
Here it goes...

How am I FLYing today?

I'm trying to let go. I often equate my value as a person with the cleanliness of my home and the number of checks off my to do list. So jf any one has seen my home or my to do list lately, you'll know that I'm not thinking of myself as very valuable right now. I get angry and frustrated with my family & students because I want to blame them for not valuing me. In truth it is I who am making myself feel worthless. I have to let go of my expectations. It's easier said than done. If I am trying to do my best, that is all I can do. I can let go of the things that don't get done today, until tomorrow when I can attempt to do my best again. I need to simply work with what I've got, when I've got it. The trouble comes when I don't try my best, when I know I'm procrastinating, or avoiding an unpleasant duty. I get a yucky feeling, and I get angry and I look for someone to blame.

Is it truly possible to do your best all the time? So far I have been unable to maintain that standard every day. Is it acceptable to accept the idea that giving 50% now and then is ok? It seems to be an irresponsible idea, yet the desire to just drop a few things tempts me. I have dropped house cleaning many times in favor of reading a book or doing something fun with friends and family. I've chosen not to mark a stack of redundant sentences in favor of a few more hours of sleep. I've skipped the nightly snuggle and back scratch,when putting the kids to bed, in favor of a few minutes of blogging. Where is the line? What is acceptable to drop and what must be cradled with the utmost care? Where does my duty end and my off time begin? How can I be a servant of all, all the time?

I don't want to give up altogether. It is good to serve, it is good to be challenged, it is good to work hard. I guess what I'm grappling with is, am I doing enough to justify taking a break? Or am I being lazy and selfish when I pass by something I should do, in favor of something I want to do?

As with everything, I need to find a balance. Do a little here, do a little more there, take a break, have a drink of water, put my feet up, then get back at it. I love FLY Lady's saying, "house work even done incorrectly still blesses your family." That is a great motivator. I want to bless my family, and I don't have to be perfect to do it. If all chores can't be done, at least some chores can. It's ok to put my feet up now and then, but not ok to just quit altogether. Her baby steps mantra helps me keep going and doing the repetitive mundane thankless chores knowing that I can take a break when I need to.

So now that I've had a great little blog session, I'm off to clean up my kitchen. Then I plan to put my dear ones to bed and curl up with a good book.

I want to take baby steps toward: authentic worship, daily recognizing what is truly important in my life, serving my family & friends, and learning spiritual disciplines that will draw me closer to the heart of God.

I keep getting stressed out! I want to do a good job at everything, so I worry about everything, and then I just don't want to do anything, and start looking for ways out.
So what is truly important in my life?
Not the school field trip that I'm fretting about, but the students who are under my care and look to me to be an example to them.
What am I to be an example of? Faith, Hope & Love...
and so...
I've been praying about the difficulties I'm having planning this field trip and I have faith that I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me. I have hope that help is on the way(parent volunteers and angels to watch over us all and keep us safe!). Keeping things simple and straight forward will still provide a great time of fun with my students. I choose to be honored by this gift of time to spend with these students who I have come to know and care for. My last day with them will be this field trip, so instead of moaning over the work it will take to organize a class trip, I choose to apprecitate the time gift I've been given. I will try to focus on and look forward to the casual, easy time I can spend with my students, celebrating knowing them and this stetching, uncomfortable, learning experience we've been through together. I do love this noisey, sarcastic, slightly rude group of tweens, and all that they have done to change me and make me trust my God to work in my life and in theirs.

FLY - Finally Loving Yourself

I've been a fan of FLY Lady since I was newly married. She has helped me to realize that perfectionism has many forms, and can wear a person down to utter despair. Before FLY Lady I would never have thought of myself as a perfectionist, because honestly, nothing I do turns out to be perfect. I've been known all my life as a bit of a messy, "big picture"person who doesn't dwell on details, easy going and fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl. I'm a huge procrastinator and tend to do my best work under pressure and at the last minute. I've learned that I procrastinate because of the fear of not doing something well. If I leave it to the last minute then I can blame my shoddy results on the fact that I procrastinated, not that I was incapable of doing a good job. Isn't it interesting the little mind games I play with myself. Any way, all this to say that I've learned a few ways to FLY (finally love your/myself). I don't want to think of myself as more important that I am, but usually this is not my biggest problem. My struggle is to remember that though I'm not perfect, I am being perfected as God works his plans in my life. I will never be perfect, but God's amazing grace and his sacrifice for my sins has covered my imperfections and give me freedom to simply do my best. I don't have to live in self disgust and self ridicule. I want to focus on ways to honor my savior with my life, and that includes acknowledging that if God loves me I truly am worth something. What does FLY Lady have to do with all of this? Well, she showed me "baby steps". Small efforts done daily to develop a habit. I want to take baby steps toward authentic worship, daily recognizing what is truly important in my life, serving my family & friends, and learning spiritual disciplines that will draw me closer to the heart of God. Though I've been a Christian most of my life, I feel like I'm lacking the closeness to Christ that will make all the difference in my life. So FLY Day Fridays will be about me examining my baby steps on my journey to follow God's will for my life.