Empty

An empty house on a familiar street where I used to walk in without knocking.
Empty rooms where furniture was pushed aside to make room for celebrations big & small.
An empty seat in the car on the way to the coffee shop, grocery store or craft store.
Empty pews in a homey church where cousins held hands to Sunday School and peppermints and smiles were passed.
Empty table where good tastes were shared.
Empty time formerly spent in comfortable conversation or easy silence.

We can remember the warmth of the full as we begin to experience the chill of the empty.  When our hearts ache to be filled up we are daring enough to open them to the new and unfamiliar plans of The One who has good things in store for those who love him.
We can trust Him to fill what is empty.

So I loosen my grip and let go with a smile as I wipe my eyes.

EM I Growing?

"Measure me Mom!"
"I just measured you last month, how much difference could there be?"
Woah! A lot! How is that possible? I must have measured wrong before!

I moved the crib down a level so that little baby monkey couldn't swing herself up and over.

Dresses from last summer are now refurbished into extra long tank tops with cool leggings underneath.

Little bean is now the size of a lipstick tube, where just weeks ago he or she was the size of  a lentil bean!

Yeesh eveyone's growing.  Am I?  Well, besides the obvious, and I'm really in no rush to grow bigger physically.  I mean am I growing into a better person?  Am I becoming what I was made to be?  When I started blogging it was to be an outlet for me to discover who I EM.  Since then I have reported on many topics, but what about ME?

Well, it's safe to say I'm getting older.  I'm also getting rounder and floppier and creakier and groanier.  I know my worth will never be found in my physical presentation, so the pressure is off a bit there, though it is a bit sad letting go of vanity.  I must be growing because I can wave good bye to firm skin and natural hair coloring, while I breath a prayer of thanksgiving for the healthiness of this saggy bag of bones and the marvels it accomplishes each day in spite of it's less than optimal condition.  What a blessing!

Am I getting wiser? Hmmm, it's hard to say, since most people find that the more they learn, the more they realize how little they know.  In that sense I must be growing to, because I'm pretty sure I have no clue any more! Gone are the days when I had excellent advice to share and a sure cure-all-fix-what's-broken idea to lend out.  Did those days ever really exist?  Right now I'm all about asking advice, seeking wise counsel, reading for revelation, and listening to those who have gone ahead.  My! but I've wasted a lot of time being a knowitall!  Still, I'm happy to find that it's not to late to learn, if I can muster the humility to admit what I don't know and ask.

What about happiness?  Yeesh, another grey area.  The happy that I am right now is so different from the vibrant, ecstatic,bouncy, wild and loud happy that I thought I was after.  The happy that I experience now is more earth toned, enduring, steady, controlled and quiet.  I'm amazed because my happiness now seems truer and longer lasting than when I was younger.  It is less dependent on others and has more to do with the work that Christ is doing in my heart day by day.  I am growing to understand how Paul could actually be content in any circumstance.  I have certainly not arrived, and still find myself becoming discontent over trivial things, but I am growing happier as time passes. How could I not, when I consider the multitude of blessings in my life?

So it seems that growth is taking place.  In the same way that my son sprouts an inch in a month with out me noticing, or my little baby suddenly pulls herself up and is mobile in what seems like a blink of an eye.  My growth is surprising to me, and only noticeable if I stop to measure and pay attention and record the changes.

This is ME and who I EM.

Besties

Hard to Swallow

My friend is moving.  My friend and her whole family are moving.  My kids friends, my husband's friend.  They are all moving.  I'm so happy for the opportunities they are moving to. I know it is the best thing for them and would not change the situation if I could....

But...  I get a bit of a lump in my throat when I realize I won't be dropping in to hang out on Sunday afternoons.  Games of  Settlers or Pirates will be a lot farther between.  Our annual White Elephant gift exchange will probably be canceled ;o).  Birthday parties will not be as well attended.  Honest talks over a cupa will be exchanged for FB chats and Skype, no more going into labour on her couch...

Nothing will be the same ever again!

But God has good things in store, so I can trust that his will is perfect and that the lump in my throat will diminish in time... 

"Though it's hard to let you go. In the Father's hands we know that a lifetime's not to long to live as friends"