I'm an anitisocial substitute with new floors

The floor is down. It is so lovely! It feels wonderful not to worry about getting a sliver from OSB, it feels clean, it is even a little bit shiny! It is a start and I'm very happy that we have finally started to turn this trailer into a home. It will still take a lot of work! A LOT! But if all the results are as satisfying as the floor, I think I can handle it.

I'm back to subbing, I was going to wait until Nov, but I was able to round up my paper work and get it in before then, so now I'm working. I think I will be busy because there are a lot of sick kids and teachers these days. I feel bad that someone has to be sick for me to work, I feel better when I cover for someone who has a meeting. I'm just hoping not to get struck down with all the goobers and greeblies that go along with interacting with lot and lots of virus riddled students each day. I'm taking vitamins and washing my hands, and being a little OCD with the hand sanitizer that is abundantly supplied in every public place these days. Wouldn't it be ironic to catch H1N1 from the public hand sanitizer dispenser! HA!

I'm still feeling antisocial, but I'm going out for a girls night tonight. What is unusual for me is that it is an effort. Usually I have no problem moving heaven and earth to go out with the girls, but today I feel like I would easily back out if the slightest issue arises. Weird, I wonder why I'm feeling like this. I have been reading a lot of blogs that talk about unplugging, saying no to unnecessary commitments, making an effort to be at home with the ones we love and to be really present for our kids. So maybe my hibernation mode is a response to the idea that I really don't want to be on the go all the time. I've been a go gettem gal most of my life, but I'm finding that as I stick closer to home, and choose not to make numerous commitments, that I'm falling out of the loop. There are lots of positives about this of course, but the negative that I'm experiencing is a loss of identity, and a feeling that other women wouldn't understand. I guess I worry that I'll be judged by others if I'm not doing as much as they are. I feel bad if my kids aren't involved in all the neat programs that other kids are doing; I worry that I'm not doing enough for them. As much as I worry, I still feel like unplugging and keeping our options open are the best choice for us as a family. This seems right, it just is awkward and different for me, which is probably why I'm feeling different than I usually do. Or it could just be Seasonal Affective Disorder in which case, yes Mom, I'm taking my B12s.

Bits & Pieces

• Our floor is not finished yet, much to the dismay of our optimistic selves from last week. It is coming along nicely, and I am looking forward to the finished product and can see the end in sight.
• The floor renos have kicked into gear some other projects that will need to be tackled. With a new floor one starts to want new, nicely painted walls. To do the walls first we need to put in our new windows. While doing the floor we ripped out all the old crummy closets, so we need new storage solutions which might as well be tackled with the new kitchen.... and on and on it goes.
• The kids have been stars, while we have been laying floor they have been: playing with their toys! imagine that! Watching movies in the travel trailer, "helping" mommy & daddy, playing outside with Sebastian and the kittens, reading their books, jumping on our bed, playing hide and seek in our covers. They are being all a round good, and tolerant of the entire project.
• I'm feeling quiet, and tired and anti social these days. (anti social for me is wanting to stay home more than 2 days in a row). It might be the fall weather, but I just want to hibernate. I'm teaching Sunday school 2 Sundays a month (3 year olds). I haven't been subbing at all this fall. Too many things to do at home, I'll probably get my name back on the list in November. In between times we've been enjoying being home and visiting our friends and family, playing games, going to church and just hanging out.
  
• Mike has decided to build us a wood burning boiler & heat storage tank to keep us warm this winter. It sounds like a big project to me, but will be economical and efficient in the long run he hopes. He's also going to be fixing and selling our Jetta and our Navigator, not sure when, but it will happen! It will!
• We are now starting to collect cats! After all our difficulty in keeping cats around they are now starting to think that this might not be such a bad place to live after all! 2 grown cats showed up at our house this week. I think one of them is Max, one of the cats I brought home this spring that promptly disappeared into the bush after taking one look at Sebastian. The other Matia has named Fuzz. I'm fine with more cats. More cats = less mice right?! There have been less mice, but I'm shooting for NO mice!!Ugh! We're still catching them in traps every now and then, which makes me think these wonderful cats are freeloading!
• I'm addicted to homeschooling and crafting websites! Mike just rolls his eyes because we don't really have the time or space to condone crafting these days, but I long for a well stocked craft cupboard and hours of time to glue pomp pomps together with my small ones.
  

To sum it up; I want to hole up in my newly renovated house with my kids, some pipe cleaner, beads, pom poms, yarn, glue and empty mouse traps while my dh fires up our furnace and keeps us all toasty!

Floored

Yep, I'm floored! Inside renos are finally starting. Wooo Hooo! I'm getting a floor. I'm getting a floor with radiant heat no less! I'm so excited. I'm going to buy a bunch of Swiffer refills to celebrate! I can't really tell any details about the floor other than it is laminate of some kind. I told Mike to pick because I'll be happy with anything that is not 30 year old OSB!!! Mike is more particular about how things look anyway. If all goes as planned we'll have a baby bottom smooth floor through out the house by Friday afternoon! So, since the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray, I'll extend my expectations to sometime next week. Still, very exciting! I'd post before pics, but as I mentioned before, I can't. I'll take pics though and post them some day when I have the right technology.

Family Needed

This is a long shot post since I have a limited readership, and I'm a virtual newbie to the blogging world. I've been reading the blog that this title is attached to for a little while and I think that posting this link on my blog is the least I can do for this woman. Her story is sad, funny, courageous, impossible and well written (IMHO). So I wanted to share, and to spread the word about her family's need. It is not likely that I can help her, since she needs a family that lives close to her, but who knows the mysterious ways that God works. Nothing will happen if I choose to do nothing, that is a certainty.

Willing to clean up a mess.

Last night we were visiting my sister in law and family. My kids were playing down stairs and had been having a wonderful time, judging from the duplo blocks scattered over the entire floor. I asked my son to pick up the toys and playfully added, "before Uncle Trevor sees this mess!" I was just kidding, but you should have seen him work in double time, and he cleaned everything up with no complaint! I was a bit flabbergasted, because not even hours earlier I had made a similar request of him regarding his own blocks in his own room. Even after repeated requests and even an offer to help nothing was where it should be. How frustrating. I shook it off thinking he just needs some help, so I ended up doing most of the work and nagging him the entire time (hmmm this makes me think of the Bernstein Bears and the Messy Room). It should be mentioned here that Dade is not afraid of Uncle Trevor, he was not scared of any terrible repercussions if Trevor caught him in his mess. Dade loves Uncle Trevor and respects him and did not want to leave a mess in his living room.

This whole story got me thinking about my heart. I have some pretty big messes in there, and at times I go to town making new ones. I often hear/feel the promptings of the Holy Spirit to get things cleaned up. God's spirit prompts me to open up to some one, or be silent other times, or get on my knees and pray, or sing a song of praise, but I often ignore the promptings and wallow in my messy heart. I dwell on past hurts, I rehash arguments thinking about what I should have said, or what I'll say next time, I gloat about good combacks, or cry about unfair situations. It is often not until I read about the people in the Old Testament and consider who God my Father really is that I am able to get past my spiritual childishness and stubbornness, and start getting things cleaned up! I want my heart to be clean and inviting for my Lord and Savior to dwell in. I know that he accepts me and loves me as I am, and it is only by his power that my heart can be spotless. I want to show respect and love to him because he is so good to me, and that is an amazing motivator for me to examine my heart and ask God to show me if there is any wicked way in me. I often don't want to be sensitive to the prompting of God's Spirit in me because it takes time and effort, but when I think about my mighty, all powerful, all knowing, God who is worthy to be praised I realize it is worth the effort and takes less time than wallowing in my mess.

I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose

He said to me, "you are my servant, Israel, and you will bring me glory."
I replied, "but my work seems so useless! I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose. Yet I leave it all in the Lord's hand; I will trust God for my reward.
Isaiah 49:3

Looking around my house today, you'd never know that I have spent the greater part of my week cleaning up, organizing, putting away, washing, cooking, filling, emptying, shuffling, purging...
Days like this make me wonder what on earth is the point!?
I guess the point is not on earth. This is where things just go on getting messy, breaking and emptying, or (in the case of my garbage can) overflowing with filth. For some deluded reason this always seems to come as a surprise to me. Like I think that if I vacuum the rug it will stay clean, but I have lived in this world long enough to know that even if it was just me living here and I never ever stood on the carpet or ate near it, it would still get dusty and dirty at some point. So why do I get so boiling mad when my 2 year old spills milk on something, or when I have to pick stuff up over and over and over and over? I'm learning that it is idolatry. I worship big clean houses that will be old some day, shiny new cars that will break down some day and pretty shoes and clothes that I will stain, rip or not fit in a year, in place of the God who makes all things new. How crazy is that?! The biggest problem is that it is unintentional. I don't even know I'm doing it until this angry feeling inside me wells up and wants to explode at the sight of a messy room, an unfinished house and yard or a broken down car in my driveway. I get angry because I have been defining myself with my belongings, instead of defining myself as a servant of God's. I need to be intentional about obeying and worshiping God, and then leave the rest in his hands. Whatever he sees fit to do with my work, my belongings, my time and my money will be good if I am walking in obedience to him. I can leave it in his hands and trust God with my reward.

Empty

I'm reclaiming my house. So far I have not encountered any signs of mice for 5 days! I'm still not getting too comfortable, there could be new evidence around any corner at any given time, but for now the traps and the cats and being home seem to be anti mouse enough to keep the dirty rodents at bay.

Part of my house reclamation was to empty all the cupboards and wash all the dishes and towels. I decided not to put it all back in the cupboards because I'm really hoping I can just smash the old cupboards to pieces in the next few weeks and replace them with new ones. Our plan is to renovate every surface of our 1979 Free Mobile home, so why not get started eh? I won't take the sledge hammer to anything until we have actually put some money down on new kitchen cupboards, but it feels nice to be ready. Also, since I have stored all our plates & cutlery & utensils in containers with lids I feel a bit safer from the you know what's mentioned above! I may be getting a bit neurotic, time to get this trailer sealed up with dry wall and new counters don't you think?

My project for tomorrow and the next few days is to assess our storage stuff. Most of our belongings are in plastic tubs behind our tool shed. Until we have completed our renos I likely won't be needing our punch bowl or my university text books, but I would like to sift through the forgotten items and maybe do a bit more purging. I tried to be ruthless when I packed up the stuff, keeping only the stuff I loved and used. However, there is still a substantial pile of boxes waiting to weather another winter behind our shed, so I'd like to take a boo and see what buried treasure is hiding back there. Plus I need to rotate our seasonal items. Though I'd like this to be a one day project, I know that there is lunch and dinner to be made, children to pay attention to, and laundry to conquer, so it'll likely take me all weekend. Fun times. I truly am looking forward to the finish, I just love crossing things off my list.