How am I FLYing today?

I'm trying to let go. I often equate my value as a person with the cleanliness of my home and the number of checks off my to do list. So jf any one has seen my home or my to do list lately, you'll know that I'm not thinking of myself as very valuable right now. I get angry and frustrated with my family & students because I want to blame them for not valuing me. In truth it is I who am making myself feel worthless. I have to let go of my expectations. It's easier said than done. If I am trying to do my best, that is all I can do. I can let go of the things that don't get done today, until tomorrow when I can attempt to do my best again. I need to simply work with what I've got, when I've got it. The trouble comes when I don't try my best, when I know I'm procrastinating, or avoiding an unpleasant duty. I get a yucky feeling, and I get angry and I look for someone to blame.

Is it truly possible to do your best all the time? So far I have been unable to maintain that standard every day. Is it acceptable to accept the idea that giving 50% now and then is ok? It seems to be an irresponsible idea, yet the desire to just drop a few things tempts me. I have dropped house cleaning many times in favor of reading a book or doing something fun with friends and family. I've chosen not to mark a stack of redundant sentences in favor of a few more hours of sleep. I've skipped the nightly snuggle and back scratch,when putting the kids to bed, in favor of a few minutes of blogging. Where is the line? What is acceptable to drop and what must be cradled with the utmost care? Where does my duty end and my off time begin? How can I be a servant of all, all the time?

I don't want to give up altogether. It is good to serve, it is good to be challenged, it is good to work hard. I guess what I'm grappling with is, am I doing enough to justify taking a break? Or am I being lazy and selfish when I pass by something I should do, in favor of something I want to do?

As with everything, I need to find a balance. Do a little here, do a little more there, take a break, have a drink of water, put my feet up, then get back at it. I love FLY Lady's saying, "house work even done incorrectly still blesses your family." That is a great motivator. I want to bless my family, and I don't have to be perfect to do it. If all chores can't be done, at least some chores can. It's ok to put my feet up now and then, but not ok to just quit altogether. Her baby steps mantra helps me keep going and doing the repetitive mundane thankless chores knowing that I can take a break when I need to.

So now that I've had a great little blog session, I'm off to clean up my kitchen. Then I plan to put my dear ones to bed and curl up with a good book.