Spring Cleaning

Spring Cleaning is freaking me out a bit.  Every where I look there are organization gurus who can turn my home into a sleek and sparkly haven of peace infused tidy, using nothing but recycled cardboard and wire!  I have a big list of yuck to deal with this spring and I'll be dealing with it in a yard full of muck and guck and bluch!  Most of what I need to do immediately, I can face.

• Clean out the travel trailer and concession. 
• Organize and put away the tools scattered around the house.
• Feed, water, clothe, and pay attention to my lil'uns.
• Repeat last step for DH.

It's the big, procrastinated, Idon'tknowwhattodowiththissoI'lljustleaveithere jobs that I find disheartening. :

• Organize tool shed so the above tools can live somewhere other than my living room
• Sit down and come up with next fall's home school plan
• Catch up on business paper work
• purge toys, clothes, books, stuff that we don't need
• clean up yard

  I have some inside, inside spring cleaning to do also.  My attitude, my actions and my words all need a bit of spit and polish. Tidying up my soul is a much more daunting task than any of my physical responsibilities.  For one thing, will I ever be finished?  Can I take a break and just be the way I am for a while, grumpy attitude, sarcastic words and bumbling efforts included?  Is any one able to help me, I don't really want people to know about all the yuck, but I don't want to live with it any more and I don't think I can remove it all on my own.

I guess a person is never really finished spring cleaning, they just tidy what they can and move on to the next thing and somehow everything looks much better as a result; progress is made.  So I guess I need to focus on a few key areas in my heart to tidy up, and do what I can with what I have and move on. It takes a lot of energy to clean up and I do need to rest once in a while, and I do need help.

I have learned that only one person can really help me clean up my act and that is Jesus.  He loves me just as I am before I clean up. He's the family member who is happy to come over and hang with me whether I've cleaned up or not.  It's me he loves, not what I put on display, so that's why he's the only one I can be totally real with. He will help me face the truth about myself but not so he can show me how much better he is and how unworthy I am.  He wants me to see what is real so that he can give me a make over and show me who I am in his eyes.    He has already loved me through yucky things, like lying, rudeness, selfishness, gossip, slander, rage... and on and on.  .  He is beside me, a permanent guest in my life and has not been put off with my stinky attitude or my filthy "good" deeds that make me swell with putrid pride.  He's like the coach on the show Hoarders, who offers encouragement and a hand to lift me out of  the stink of my own making.  He reminds me that he's there to show me a way out of the yuck, and that he's got a new plan for me that will make me prosper. He just asks me to believe him and to do what he asks, which is love him and love others and don't judge.  After that it's just a little tweaking here and a little tidying there and in time the entire package will begin to look well maintained and deeply loved.