The Best Laid Plans

There's not much that I like more than to stay up late, all alone with my calendars, day timers and schedules.  I love to use all the on-line gadgets to get that euphoric feeling of organization.  It's a feeling folks, remember I think I've noted that feelings aren't the same as reality, but still, I like the feeling! I like to have a hanging calendar with pretty pictures or interesting quotes or funny jokes.  I like to have a purse sized calendar to carry around and write stuff in when I'm waiting in the car for hubby, or when if am asked to participate in a prestigious social function.  When I get the church bulletin or nursery rotation I like to type it into my email dates reminder, pencil it on my wall calendar and jot it down in my purse diary.  Now that I'm homeschooling I'm in my glory ,blocking off weeks for unit studies and color coordinating them with different highlighter colors. Oh yes, I love the FEELING of being organized! 

The trouble is that right after I jot it all down and the organizational high wears off, I am no more organized than I was before.  I'm just reminded, everywhere I look, of what I wasn't organized enough to achieve. I have great intentions, but yeah, that 3 tiered diorama of the Brazilian rain forest is just not going to happen in real life. You see, it requires rounding up items and things and stuff and well, somehow that little activity never gets scheduled into my calendars. I also forget to foresee the unexpected, and my motto in life really should be "Expect the Unexpected".  Though I know things are going to come up to throw my schedule off course,  yetI never leave any lee way on the calendar for that fact.  So there it is, lack of organization and unforeseeable events are my greatest nemesis. 

In keeping with my greatest joy, I PLAN to overcome these little foibles of mine. Just yesterday I blocked off a whole week in February as a catch up week.  I know! Aren't I smart! That, and I found out from the first 4 months of homeschooling that there is no way on earth I'll ever finish everything I'd like to, so maybe it's ok to plan a little more realistically for the next 3 months or so.  Also, I'm only planning specific things 3 in advance.  This gives enough time for me to gather the supplies necessary, but it's not so far in the future that I'll have to revamp the entire year if things go awry, for whatever reason.  See, I'm expecting the unexpected.

Those of you who have been homeschooling for some time, or have been teachers or have had grown up jobs of any kind will be rolling your eyes at me right now and saying, "well duh!".  But for me this is a breakthrough.  I'm learning to face my life as it is, not just as I wish it was.  I'm learning to accept the fact that needing to catch up, take breaks and goof off now and then is normal, and ok, and should be part of the routine.  I'm learning that I'm not a failure if I don't tick everything off the list ( btw, I've never even come close to being able to do this with even a grocery list! I've just felt bad about the inevitable failure pretty much all my life ~ how is it that I'm just coming to grips with reality now?!!!).  I guess what I'm all in a dither about, is that I'm learning to have high expectations for myself and for others, and then the next step is allowing some grace when things don't go as expected.  I've heard it said that way up high is where we set our expectations and way down low is reality and what's left in the middle is disappointment.  I think that is a sad way to look at life, yet accurate as far as my experiences have taught me.  But that disappointment can be changed to blessing when I consider grace as the object lesson of the experience.  To accept failure and learn from it and remember that life is messy and muddled and rarely fits in my calendar boxes and to be ok with it and adapt is such a freeing skill.  One that I plan to hone and refine.  Now let me get a pen and schedule in some honing and refining time!