I'm so sorry

My dear family,

I will say all of this to you with my words, but I express myself better in type, and I need this here to refer to from time to time (as you know).

I'm so sorry for my dirty rotten selfish ugly attitude toward you today. I didn't mean to be impatient, rude, self seeking, judgmental, irrational and hard hearted. That hysterical woman you were dealing with today, is not the person I want to be. It is not the person God is making me to be, but I slipped up and reverted to my weak self loving flesh today.

Mike I am sorry I didn't speak to you respectfully, and that I didn't consider how lucky I am to have you, a husband who loves me, who desires me and who is home with his family on a cold wintery day. I could have chosen to delight in my role as your helper and friend and lover, yet I turned the cold shoulder and replied with sarcasm and bitterness. I'm so sorry.

Dade, my son, my sensitive boy. You are always aware of other's feelings and you react easily to them. Instead of keeping this in mind and finding ways to show kindness and goodness and patience to you I ignored you this morning and asked you to stay out of my way. Oh how I fret that one day you won't want to be here at home with your family, or want to talk to me about this and that. How can I treat my precious time with you now so trivially? I'm so sorry.

Matia, you trouble maker. You are making every effort to get my attention. The make up will wash off, the water will dry up, the dish water in the pancake batter didn't even change the flavor! All these little things that I get so riled up about mean nothing. But your poor hurt little feelings when I berate you with my sharp words mean everything. You are so precious, and yet I cut you down in an instant with my nasty looks, my tight hand on your arms, and my angry words. I am so sorry.

Oh Lord, how can I do this to the ones I say I love? Why do I struggle so much to show the mercy and grace that you gave me so freely? God, change my heart and my mind and my actions. Forgive me.

Mike, Dade & Matia, please forgive me.

Love
Mom