I'm an anitisocial substitute with new floors

The floor is down. It is so lovely! It feels wonderful not to worry about getting a sliver from OSB, it feels clean, it is even a little bit shiny! It is a start and I'm very happy that we have finally started to turn this trailer into a home. It will still take a lot of work! A LOT! But if all the results are as satisfying as the floor, I think I can handle it.

I'm back to subbing, I was going to wait until Nov, but I was able to round up my paper work and get it in before then, so now I'm working. I think I will be busy because there are a lot of sick kids and teachers these days. I feel bad that someone has to be sick for me to work, I feel better when I cover for someone who has a meeting. I'm just hoping not to get struck down with all the goobers and greeblies that go along with interacting with lot and lots of virus riddled students each day. I'm taking vitamins and washing my hands, and being a little OCD with the hand sanitizer that is abundantly supplied in every public place these days. Wouldn't it be ironic to catch H1N1 from the public hand sanitizer dispenser! HA!

I'm still feeling antisocial, but I'm going out for a girls night tonight. What is unusual for me is that it is an effort. Usually I have no problem moving heaven and earth to go out with the girls, but today I feel like I would easily back out if the slightest issue arises. Weird, I wonder why I'm feeling like this. I have been reading a lot of blogs that talk about unplugging, saying no to unnecessary commitments, making an effort to be at home with the ones we love and to be really present for our kids. So maybe my hibernation mode is a response to the idea that I really don't want to be on the go all the time. I've been a go gettem gal most of my life, but I'm finding that as I stick closer to home, and choose not to make numerous commitments, that I'm falling out of the loop. There are lots of positives about this of course, but the negative that I'm experiencing is a loss of identity, and a feeling that other women wouldn't understand. I guess I worry that I'll be judged by others if I'm not doing as much as they are. I feel bad if my kids aren't involved in all the neat programs that other kids are doing; I worry that I'm not doing enough for them. As much as I worry, I still feel like unplugging and keeping our options open are the best choice for us as a family. This seems right, it just is awkward and different for me, which is probably why I'm feeling different than I usually do. Or it could just be Seasonal Affective Disorder in which case, yes Mom, I'm taking my B12s.