One more week?

Well, I've made it through 2 weeks of teaching grade 6. As far as I know I have 1.5 weeks left. It could be more if the teacher I'm covering for is still not feeling well. I'm TIRED! I would love to sleep for about 3 days! I'm loving that it is Family Day weekend for us and next week will be short. I really can't complain. The first week I was teaching was a short week because the teachers had Institute Day, so I only actually had to teach 2 days. Then the second week was only 3 days of teaching because Teacher's Convention was two days out of that week. So this past week is the only full week I've taught and Friday was a Valentine Luncheon & Skate. Next week is 4 days because of Family day and then who knows after that. I stress a little because I'm still trying to teach the kids all the stuff they have to know with less time than I would like to have. I like having the days off, but it is teaching time taken from me that I don't get back. I just have to pray that the students listen and learn and get it the first or second time, because a third and fourth review is simply not possible.

The students I am teaching are nice for the most part. Some are less than thrilled with me, but no open animosity seems to exist. They are a talkative, loud group; they are also funny, and interesting. I truly am looking forward to reading and marking their weekly journal entries. I get to learn so much about them from their honest and open entries. This week they were to write about their favorite song, what it is about, what the message is, and how it makes them feel. I'm sure it will give me some insight on the reason they are the way they are.

I keep hoping I will start to relax and get into the swing of things. However, I'm still finding it very difficult to shut my mind off and sleep. I have yet to sleep until my alarm which goes off at 6:30am. That is quite extreme for me. Until I started this little teaching project I had a hard time getting up at 8am with 2 little kids jumping on me asking for a snack and a movie! Now I'm finding myself wide awake at 3 am wondering if I should keep so and so in at recess so I can wrangle a mark out of a struggling student or should I just give up and give them a zero, since they obviously can't be bothered to get their assignments in. What happens if I don't finish the angles unit by next Friday? Will I be able to explain characterization AND themes AND plot summaries in 3 days or should I extend the novel study into the following week and shorten the Tall Tales unit?!!! The hours creep by until I mercifully can get up a half hour before my alarm and go to school and shuffle through plans and papers and hope desperately that no one fails because I forgot to teach something!

I know that some people think that I am totally cut out for teaching (by my natural leadership abilities...er...bossiness) but I'm not sure they are right. It doesn't feel like it is getting easier, and I'm terrified that I'll be asked to teach until the end of June!!!!!! I can definitely use the work and the money, but will the cost of the stress be worth it?

On the up side, I'm definitely losing weight! I'm well on course with my goal of losing 3lbs a month until my sister's wedding, AND I got into some pre children pants yesterday and was able to actually wear them somewhere, not just hold my breath and walk around my bedroom!

On the down side, I miss my kids and they miss me. It is nice to be missed, but I feel so distant from my mothering role right now. I feel like I'm missing everything good, and worthwhile. I feel left out of all the important things, like potty training triumphs, funny sayings, new skills learned, and hugs and kisses that should have been mine. I'm jealous for my babies moments. I'm glad it is my DH that is getting to stand in, but I'm still not convinced that I should be giving up those precious seconds to shout over 26 disengaged and disinterested pre teens.

I guess it doesn't matter what I am convinced of, this is something I'm doing for now. Regardless of how I feel, I must do my job as if Jesus was my principal, student and PTA member. I need to count it all joy, and pray through the sleepless hours and stressful moments. I need to be thankful for the moments I have with my little ones and not agonize over the time I'm away. I need to value and love and serve the crazy, hormonal children in my classroom just as I value my own babies. Because that is what Jesus would do, and that is what he will give me strength to do. So I will soak up the rest and fun of this long weekend and prepare my heart to meet the challenges of next week when next week comes.